"Quotes: My substitute for wit!"

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
- Umberto Eco
"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life."
- Frank Zappa
"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts."
- G. B. Burgin
"A witty saying proves nothing."
- Voltaire (1694-1778)
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
- Mario Andretti
"I'll sleep when I'm dead."
- Warren Zevon (1947-2003)
"While we are postponing, life speeds by."
- Seneca (3BC - 65AD)
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."
- Mel Brooks
In the end, everything is a gag."
- Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)
"The gods too are fond of a joke."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
"Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting."
- Karl Wallenda
"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them."
- Samuel Palmer (1805-80)

That wraps it up, and yepers I am a fool, but a happy one so bite me heheheheh!