Yesterday Was Interesting

So Chris from Zkota calls me, and wants me to go hang out at the Amaco. I arrive and there is like 15 people there. This was at like 8:30 or something. They were racing a lawnmover and a little scooter things. (basically a skate board with a motor and a handle you rode it standing up.) We were very racious. Then they had a truck with a couch in it. They fit like 10 people in it, and chris and chasity rode in my car. We took off my ttops in the middle of the night it was cool. We then raced the poeople in the truck with the couch. LOL we gave them a head start tho. It was pretty fun. I always feel like I am going to be arrested when I hang out with Chris. LOL. Never got my tint on my windows tho! Then I went over to play D&D at mikes that was pretty fun he had his friend Jacob over, and he is like the most charismatic and jocking person I have ever met. Except maybe my cousin Neil. (hed had a corvette) (not that thats relevant). Then I hung out with Mike Bates band at the amaco at like midnight. We went to his house, and watched a movie of them playing. It was interesting, but I didnt really connect with any of his friends, except the one I let ride in my camaro.

Anyway so I go to bed, and cant stop thinking about Tammy. Even though I had all this fun with my friends I still miss her so much. Does she miss me? I dunno she never likes to talk about her feelings to me anymore unless I prod her, Then she gets mad, and I ahve to drop it. She doesnt like to talk about us anymore. I dunno why it feels like she wants to forget about us. I dunno why. She says she doesmt, but the way she acts makes me wander.

I am trying to give it time, but will that help. I dunno. I am soooooo fucking longing for a girlfriend. I see all the SDSU couples holding hands, and I wish I could just hold someones hand who loves me. Trust them, confide with them Laugh, and have fun. Be their world and and them be mine. My only problem is I want that person to be TAMMY! Why cant it just go back to normal? When I was happy and so was she? What did I do to deserve a broken heart? Love her? Why cant I have someone? Am I destined to be alone? Am I destined to settle for someone that I dont really love, but that makes me not feel alone? I pray every day that it is not so, but nothing changes. I wish somebody could help me. I feel so alone.