***This is another sad one, and no one has to read it if they dont wanna. Its more for me, but maybe you will. I know I have been depressed for the last two months, and everyone is probably getting sick of it, but so am I. But I cant just make these feelings go away. Its more for me right now, I guess. Just to get my thoughts down.Its probably mostly crying over what I have lost, and cannot be.
The phone rings... I jump is it for me?! Dale says: "Tyler." YES! Is it her? No, Darn, its just Norm... I have to go into work early. I also get to miss breakfast. Damn life sucks. I had a few people ask me if I was tired or something. Nice to know some people cared. Tim was a little worried about me, and so was michelle. I guess I feel so empty inside that all the life in my eyes has dried up. I guess I look like I feel. I know its not attractive or fun to be around a depressed person, but who do I have to impress...
Skippy, and I talked yesterday. He is a nice person, about 35 years old who works at Zkota, and who has lost all faith in himself. He has fun, but he doesnt (believe) anymore, and has never got the courage to ask anyone out. I keep wondering if I'll turn into another Skippy. OH well, it doesnt matter.
Today I was ceaslessly bombarded with bittersweet memories of us. I can't understand how you dont want to make any more with me. But its your choice I guess. My heart hurt so bad a few times I felt like crying. I did before work, and almost am now. I guess you probably think I am a pathetic child. I guess I probably am. I don't want you to be my mommy either.
I keep trying to tell myself different things about how life will get better, but I don't know if I believe them. I don't want things to get better I JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU! I know that isnt what you need right now, and am sorry for my selfish desire. I hope things get better for you.
And I hope they get better for me...
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