I hear you just got married
Had a month long honeymoon
And you were all smiles at the wedding
And you cried when you kissed the groom
I got no invitation
I guess the mailman didn't bring it to me
But I see the whole thing in slow motion
Every night as I try to sleep
My buddy John said you looked real pretty
And you acted like you were in love
He said the preacher asked for objections
And he thought about standing up
I told John he must've been crazy
'Cause you were just about to say I do
He just gave me a wink and said all he could think
Is it could've been me with you
It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me
I don't guess I ever told you
That I went out and bought you a ring
I even carried it around in my pocket
Waiting to say the right thing
I pulled it out the other day
But the diamond had lost it's shine
Well I know how it feels 'cause my eyes grow dim
When I think you could've been mine
It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me
Oh I called her just in time to be too late
You know those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see (it could've been me)
It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me
It could have been me...
1/12/2005
1/11/2005
Not a Dirty Nasty Hole...
These people want to make a hobbit hole... need I say more?
http://www.ourhobbithole.com/
http://www.ourhobbithole.com/
Rolling back bad taste
A Wal-Mart worker showed a photo of himself wearing only a sack.
By CLARK KAUFFMAN
REGISTER STAFF WRITER
January 7, 2005
A 65-year-old Wal-Mart greeter has been fired for greeting customers with a computer-generated photograph of himself wearing nothing but a Wal-Mart sack.
Dean Wooten was fired in September from his job as a greeter at the Muscatine Wal-Mart store where he had worked for seven years, state records show. He was accused of greeting customers with a picture of himself in which he appeared to be naked except for the carefully placed sack.
Wooten allegedly told customers that Wal-Mart was cutting back on expenses and that the sack represented the new employee uniform.
After some customers complained, a supervisor told Wooten not to display the picture. Five days later, after more customers complained, Wooten admitted he had brought the picture back to work and had been showing it again to customers. He was fired that day.
Wooten applied for unemployment benefits but was denied by Administrative Law Judge Susan Brightman, who ruled that "a reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer's business."
Wooten said he thought customers would find the photo amusing. It wasn't intended to be critical of Wal-Mart, he said.
"I didn't have nothing against Wal-Mart," he said. "A friend of mine got the photo of the body off the Internet, and he had a picture of me and he put my head on it. When I first seen it, I pretty near died laughing."
By CLARK KAUFFMAN
REGISTER STAFF WRITER
January 7, 2005
A 65-year-old Wal-Mart greeter has been fired for greeting customers with a computer-generated photograph of himself wearing nothing but a Wal-Mart sack.
Dean Wooten was fired in September from his job as a greeter at the Muscatine Wal-Mart store where he had worked for seven years, state records show. He was accused of greeting customers with a picture of himself in which he appeared to be naked except for the carefully placed sack.
Wooten allegedly told customers that Wal-Mart was cutting back on expenses and that the sack represented the new employee uniform.
After some customers complained, a supervisor told Wooten not to display the picture. Five days later, after more customers complained, Wooten admitted he had brought the picture back to work and had been showing it again to customers. He was fired that day.
Wooten applied for unemployment benefits but was denied by Administrative Law Judge Susan Brightman, who ruled that "a reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer's business."
Wooten said he thought customers would find the photo amusing. It wasn't intended to be critical of Wal-Mart, he said.
"I didn't have nothing against Wal-Mart," he said. "A friend of mine got the photo of the body off the Internet, and he had a picture of me and he put my head on it. When I first seen it, I pretty near died laughing."
1/06/2005
Heres your Sign
As the one famous comedian said some people should walk around with signs that say Im stupid.
Almost every time I put on my Zkota Grill shirt (fast food joint) and my black pants Nila will say to me "Going to work?" one of these times I should say "Nope. Going to the disco, this outfit is just soooooooo popular with the ladies!" Heres your sign!
Almost every time I put on my Zkota Grill shirt (fast food joint) and my black pants Nila will say to me "Going to work?" one of these times I should say "Nope. Going to the disco, this outfit is just soooooooo popular with the ladies!" Heres your sign!
Human Stupidity Reaches New Levels
By DAVID N. GOODMAN, Associated Press Writer
DETROIT - The sign on the toilet brush says it best: "Do not use for personal hygiene." (If you need to read this you could use a new brain as well)
That admonition was the winner of an anti-lawsuit group's contest for the wackiest (how about most retarded?)consumer warning label of the year.
The sponsor, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, says the goal is "to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products."
The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson, of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This product moves when used." (oh ya? I thought we just sat on there and pretended!)
A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." (no really? I had no idea...)
This year's contest coincides with a drive by President Bush (news - web sites) and congressional Republicans to put caps and other limits on jury awards in liability cases. (about @#$%@%in time!)
Humans are so worried about lawsuits we are abandoning reason for insane caution. Please people watch some GEORGE CARLIN!
DETROIT - The sign on the toilet brush says it best: "Do not use for personal hygiene." (If you need to read this you could use a new brain as well)
That admonition was the winner of an anti-lawsuit group's contest for the wackiest (how about most retarded?)consumer warning label of the year.
The sponsor, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, says the goal is "to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products."
The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson, of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This product moves when used." (oh ya? I thought we just sat on there and pretended!)
A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally." (no really? I had no idea...)
This year's contest coincides with a drive by President Bush (news - web sites) and congressional Republicans to put caps and other limits on jury awards in liability cases. (about @#$%@%in time!)
Humans are so worried about lawsuits we are abandoning reason for insane caution. Please people watch some GEORGE CARLIN!
1/02/2005
The Christmas Eve Race!
The Christmas Eve Race!
From a "Ricer's" View:
"Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light,
Was a Supercharged t-bird and no cops in sight,
I will try, I will try, I will try with this small little motor,
To beat this Thunderbird, even with it's big blower.
As light goes to green and I pull like no joke,
The Thunderbird erupts in clouds of tire smoke.
Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin,
These are the names of my four VTEC pistons.
Racing ahead I'm the Star of the action,
But I know I'm in trouble when that SC gets traction.
Grabbing second, I hear the RPM sing,
My rearview mirror is blocked by my Shopping Kart Wing.
I now hear the roar, of that big monster gaining.
All I can do is keep that four-banger straining.
In a second, the shockwave hits with a blast,
And my stickers go flying, now, a thing of the past.
Don't bother with third, 'cause now it's too late,
Just try to act cool, like you can relate."
----------------------------
From the SC Drivers View:
T'was the night before Christmas, and at the red light,
was my supercharged t-bird, and not a cop was in sight.
The temptation was there, to smoke-um with pride,
when a little red ricer, pulled up right beside.
He looked at me funny, like he thought he could win.
I was gunna make money, so I sneered, and I grinned.
The light changed to green, and I smiled with glee,
as the ricer took off, I knew he couldn't see.
I'd try to refrain from smokin' up the cool night,
But I just couldn't do it, and it really felt right.
As I reached back for second then up into third,
I just knew this red ricer, must be laying a turd.
We went down the street flyin', and grabin' the gears,
and four short blocks later, he was behind by two years.
From forth came the notion, I'd already won,
he had not a chance, no, not even one!
When all of the sudden, from out of the night,
came from one block ahead, a flashing red light.
I got on the brakes to see what was up,
Then made a quick turn, "Oh crap" it's a cop!
I turned off the headlights, then dissolved into the night.
I'd made a quick exit, there'd be no bragging tonight.
It would wait 'til tomorrow, when I'd tell it to friends,
I beat the red ricer, and a big ticket again.
________________________________
Good Times Good Times!
Not mine either.
From a "Ricer's" View:
"Twas the night before Christmas and caught at the light,
Was a Supercharged t-bird and no cops in sight,
I will try, I will try, I will try with this small little motor,
To beat this Thunderbird, even with it's big blower.
As light goes to green and I pull like no joke,
The Thunderbird erupts in clouds of tire smoke.
Now Smasher, now Rev-ver, now Stroker, now Blitzin,
These are the names of my four VTEC pistons.
Racing ahead I'm the Star of the action,
But I know I'm in trouble when that SC gets traction.
Grabbing second, I hear the RPM sing,
My rearview mirror is blocked by my Shopping Kart Wing.
I now hear the roar, of that big monster gaining.
All I can do is keep that four-banger straining.
In a second, the shockwave hits with a blast,
And my stickers go flying, now, a thing of the past.
Don't bother with third, 'cause now it's too late,
Just try to act cool, like you can relate."
----------------------------
From the SC Drivers View:
T'was the night before Christmas, and at the red light,
was my supercharged t-bird, and not a cop was in sight.
The temptation was there, to smoke-um with pride,
when a little red ricer, pulled up right beside.
He looked at me funny, like he thought he could win.
I was gunna make money, so I sneered, and I grinned.
The light changed to green, and I smiled with glee,
as the ricer took off, I knew he couldn't see.
I'd try to refrain from smokin' up the cool night,
But I just couldn't do it, and it really felt right.
As I reached back for second then up into third,
I just knew this red ricer, must be laying a turd.
We went down the street flyin', and grabin' the gears,
and four short blocks later, he was behind by two years.
From forth came the notion, I'd already won,
he had not a chance, no, not even one!
When all of the sudden, from out of the night,
came from one block ahead, a flashing red light.
I got on the brakes to see what was up,
Then made a quick turn, "Oh crap" it's a cop!
I turned off the headlights, then dissolved into the night.
I'd made a quick exit, there'd be no bragging tonight.
It would wait 'til tomorrow, when I'd tell it to friends,
I beat the red ricer, and a big ticket again.
________________________________
Good Times Good Times!
Not mine either.
Things You Should NEVER Say to a Cop
hings You Should NEVER Say to a Cop
When he Pulls You Over
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8.. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love 11 and 12 hehe. BTW this isn't my original idea.
When he Pulls You Over
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8.. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love 11 and 12 hehe. BTW this isn't my original idea.
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